Midnight Maneuvers
by Kat and Kadi
Rated NC-17

Disclaimer: I'm no longer acknowledging *those* people exist, not until they stop screwing up my favorite show, so there! :P~

The feeling that she wasn't alone was the first thing she noticed as she opened her eyes.  The second was the harsh sound of breathing.  For a moment fear paralyzed her.  Who could possibly be in her quarters?  Who would dare? Even as she started to rise, to call for security, a solid body covered her own, pushing her back into the bedcovers, covering her mouth with a warm hand, stilling her response.  She was Starfleet trained, surely she could buck him off.  Him, yes definitely a him.  She could smell it, the tangy sent of soap and male.  That was obvious, and familiar too.  Her eyes could make out nothing but a shape in the darkness but already she was relaxing a bit, planning her next move, less afraid and more angry.  Fear began as a sickening tendril slithering up her spine as another aspect of the man came to her notice.  It was enough to block her thought and steal her breath as she felt his arousal pressing against her.  His intent suddenly seemed clear and the urge to struggle without any set pattern or logic struck.  It was an unreasonable fear, overwhelming and frustrating at the same time.  An old fear, one as old as time that says I am woman and weak and there is nothing I can do here to change this, stop this.  He seemed to read her intent and shifted, trapping her in the bedclothes.  Even in his determined movements, gentle.  The thought so out of place in the situation raced through her head and once more she relaxed, allowing thought to reign.  He was not truly bent on hurting her or he would have done so.  But who, and why?

Warm moist lips brushed over her cheek.  The voice was whispered, shadowy. "To prove a point my love."

Her eyes widened and still she could not see him, but he had read her thoughts, and in answering them, given her a clue as to who was holding her. The hand slipped from her mouth and trailed down her cheek.  A breath barely left her mouth before it was covered once more, this time by lips intent on a gentle exploration of her mouth.  Stunned she opened her mouth to speak and found it filled with his tongue, hot and fluid, teasing her own.  Her voice could not speak it, but her mind could.  Chakotay, but why?  Her eyes snapped open as the reality of the situation crashed down on her.  Her mouth closed, teeth sinking into his tongue.  He jerked back with a curse.  His voice was husky but recognizable.  "Computer, lights 1/4 illumination."  He sat back slowly, giving her a rueful grin.

His thighs were warm around her own, burning through the blankets, and yet the anger flooding her was burning it all away.  She barely noticed that his hands had moved and were resting on his upper thighs.  "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"I was proving a point?"

"To whom?"  This was said with less heat and more confusion.

"To you and to me."

"And that was?"

"That no matter how damn much my body and mind demand that I can come in here and take what I so desperately want, I can't.  And it's not from fear of reprisal.  I love you too much to steal that from you, but it was time to remind us both that these feelings are still here."

"Why?  What could possibly make you believe I would welcome this, and this fear?"

"Nothing.  For the first few moments it was some strange sort of instinct. My original idea was to slip into bed next to you and wake you with a kiss, to see if you responded with anything other than that damn cool control of yours.  The clincher in that plan came when you woke as I came in.  Then I just acted.  I think you knew it was me even before I spoke.  Your body, your responses told me in different ways.  Oh I'm not saying it was right Kathryn, but I have to say any emotion from you is better than what you've been showing lately."

"You're damned right this is wrong, who the hell do you think you are?" The venom in her voice spoke more of embarrassment than anger, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't call security and have your ass hauled into the brig." She bucked against him until finally he moved and she was able to get free of the blankets and sit up in the bed. She was angry all right, and embarrassed, and hurt.. Who was he to criticize her emotions?  "I don't give a rat's ass what you think of me, but it sure as hell isn't your place to come in here and try and change it, or whatever the hell you thought you were doing."

Chakotay's eyes darkened, and narrowed, "I wouldn't try to change you Kathryn, because the fact of the matter is, you can't teach an old dog new tricks." He immediately saw the effect his words had on her, and regretted them. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her more pain, but anything was better than the zombie she'd become. "And even if I could, there's no way I could make you feel anything but your own self pity. You're too damned busy feeling sorry for yourself to feel anything else, least of all a little emotion for anyone else, or a little arousal. Tell me Kathryn," he spat at her, growing angry when her eyes narrowed into thin slits, "When was the last time you were aroused by anything? By a novel, by a man, by your own hands? Have you ever been aroused at all, or are you as still as a stick during sex..." His eyes swept over her and the plain beige pajama set she wore. It was silk, but that was about the only thing feminine about it. "You know, I'd bet you wouldn't know an orgasm from a muscle cramp."

"You are such an ass.  Whether I would or not is none of your concern as you would be the last person I'd tell much less share it with."

"You almost sound interested Kathryn."

Her hands clenched into fists.  "That would mean that I felt something for you other then contempt, and at the moment that would be really pushing it." Her eyes flashed with challenge and something else.

A slow, calculating smile slid across Chakotay's face.  "That sounds like a challenge Love, shall I prove to you how wrong you are?"

Temper flaring, she didn't notice the warning signs.  "Oh please, you couldn't prove you are a man, much less..."  The words never made it out of her mouth as his arms came around her once more and he bore her back down onto the bed.

She struggled against him immediately, "What the hell do you think--damnit, get off me!" She bucked against him, even as his hands began roaming down her body, "Chakotay that was not an invitation, get off me now and I won't throw you in the brig."

He bent low over her, his lips brushing against her cheek as he whispered, "Then say it like you really mean it Kathryn, and I just might do it." He trailed a path of light kisses down her cheek and neck, his hands had worked the hem of her pajama top up and were caressing her bare skin. He noticed immediately the change in her breathing, and the fact she was no longer struggling beneath him. "Do you still want me to leave?" he whispered against her mouth. "All you have to do is make me believe it..." His hands swept beneath the waist band of her simple pajama bottoms, pushing them down her hips to allow him easier access to her body. He easily caught her gasp as his hands spread across her lower belly, working in an upward climb toward her silk clad chest. He brushed a light kiss across her now trembling lips, "What is it Kathryn, cat got your tongue?" Her eyes narrowed and flared with emotion, she started to open her mouth but he stopped her before she could. His tongue swept easily into her mouth, exploring and tasting, and drawing a moan, however light, from within her throat.

Her hands balled into fists, tightly clasping the bedding beneath them as he worked each button free of it's hole and slid the silk top from her shoulders. She couldn't move, and she couldn't speak as his hands swept over her breasts, his thumbs lightly teasing her nipples into hardened buds. Each caress of his hands, each kiss, each movement of his body over hers angered her more, but she was frozen in place, too swept up in proving him wrong to make him leave. And wanting him too much to really care what or who was wrong or right. "Chakotay we can't," was her last protest, and more a whimper than anything else as his lips closed over a breast. She sucked in a thin breath as he held the pebbled bud in his teeth and teased it with his tongue. She could feel the ache building inside herself, and cursed him even more for it.

He blew a stream of cool air on the moist peak as he lifted his head.  "I don't know about you love, but I certainly can, and very much want to."  He lowered his head once more trailing a blazing path between her breasts and along her rib cage, moving further down her body.  Her hands came up to curl in his hair as the breath rasped out of her throat.  He gently curled his hands around hers and transferred them to one hand, holding them gently but firmly over her stomach.  He kissed each hand and each individual finger lapping at them and smiling as stray strokes of his tongue washed over her belly.  With each silken caress she sucked in a breath, holding it until the next which she would let out in a rush.  He smiled at the ragged sound of her breathing and resumed his taste of her stomach, pausing to flick his tongue playfully in her navel.  Her entire body froze as his lips traced the elastic edge of her pajama bottoms.  Slowly, teasingly he nudged them down further, pausing only to nuzzle the soft curls at the juncture of her thighs.

Impatient, he used his free hand to draw them further down and off, stopping to gaze down at her.  The gleam of moisture beaconed him and he couldn't resist a light kiss, his tongue barely dipping between her folds.  Her back arched off the bed sharply, nearly dislodging him.  He grinned against her, sliding his fingers shallowly through her damp heat, one finger prodding deeper than the others, testing.  He tipped his head, kissing the soft flesh of her inner thigh, ignoring for the moment the area she was most focused on. "Do you know what I think Kathryn?  You're hot, and wet and ready.  I think you definitely can."  A sharp gasp was drawn out of her as he sucked a bit of the tender flesh on her thigh into his mouth, releasing seconds later, leaving his brand on her.  His tongue flicked over the tender spot, soothing before homing in on more sensitive territory.  Once more he tasted her, this one longer, teasing her, flicking over the hypersensitive bud, before dipping inside her for a deeper taste.  He grinned against her once more "Oh yes, you definitely can."  His words were punctuated be the gentle raking of his teeth over that most sensitive core, forcing her back off the bed once more and a keening moan from her lips.

Chakotay himself moaned as she lifted her hips, rotating them against his busy mouth. He tasted her fully, exploring every centimeter of her hot center before finally rising and settling himself next to her. He gazed longingly at her face as his fingers replaced his mouth. Her eyes were closed, and her lips parted, and there was such a look of surrender in her features he could have almost believed she would still want him in the morning. But it was his caresses she wanted, the sliding of his fingers over her sensitive skin. He indulged her, unable to do anything else, and slid two fingers into her heat. She arched against his hand, her lips parting more as she sucked another breath into her mouth and let it out in a sharp cry.

He lowered his head to her neck when she bit down on her lower lip, he had to block out the sight, but didn't want to close his eyes. His lips moved across her neck, lightly caressing the soft skin. Below his fingers teased her, bringing her closer and closer to release, then withdrawing slightly. He had her trembling beneath his administrations, straining toward release, and still he teased her. He wanted her, needed her to admit she wanted him, he wanted it from her lips, not just from her body's responses. But, he realized, that wouldn't be forthcoming anytime soon. "Alright my love, you win this round," he murmured as his fingers slid further into her heat. He closed his eyes tightly as she began contracting around them, but as he was able to block out the sight, he couldn't block out the sounds. She screamed loudly as she came, her back arching off the bed, and every inch of her trembling as wave after wave of pleasure swept through her.

He continued to stroke her in slow calming strokes as she came down.  His body was hard and aching but he wouldn't give in, couldn't.  He finally released her, rising to his knees once more to stare down at her body.  A ferocious wave of desire swamped him and he gritted his teeth to pull it under control.  He couldn't help the smug grin that chased across his face as her eyes opened, cloudy and full of dazed passion.  "Guess you do know an orgasm after all."

The comment was like a splash of cold water to Kathryn.  Her eyes snapped open and she had a mental image of herself sprawled before him , shameless. Anger snapped through her and she came up off the bed, fist clenched and ready to strike.  "Bastard!"  He caught both her hands but her momentum was enough to send him tumbling backward.  His breath caught in his throat as she sprawled over him, spitting and seething in her fury.  As her lower body made contact with his once more, a groan was wrenched from him.  His good intentions went flying out the door.  He jerked her toward him with more force than necessary and as her chest collided with his, his hands released hers, curling around her body and meshing her to him, much as his mouth was meshing with hers.  His tongue fought a fierce duel, coaxing and overriding her hesitation.  He nearly crowed as all her anger reformed back into passion, all directed at him, shown clearly in the fierce responses of her mouth, and the frantic movements of her body.

She jerked his shirt open and sent buttons flying, her nails were like ice picks sinking into his flesh and scorching it. They swept down his chest, flying over his nipples and sinking into the waist band of his trousers and jerking at the fastening. Her teeth nipped angrily at his jaw and neck as she moved down his body, punishing him every bit as much as pleasuring him. She popped the button on his pants and jerked the zipper down with as much grace as she could muster, reclaiming his mouth even as she yanked his pants down his hips.

Her fingers curled none so gently around his hardened length as she bit harshly at his lips, pulling them open so she could thrust her tongue into his mouth. Chakotay responded in kind and rolled her beneath him, his hands jerked her arms over her head and held them in place with one, while the other swept downward to finish pushing his trousers out of the way. With that finished he pulled her legs apart, thrusting into her as she lifted herself to meet him.

They cried out in unison, one a sharp cry, the other a deep groan. His free hand joined his other and intertwined their fingers as he pumped into her. His movements were swift and deep, and not the gentle lovemaking he'd had in mind when he let himself into her quarters. He practically had her pinned to the bed as he pounded in and out of her, not at all what he'd had in mind, but that was a little futile at the moment.

Kathryn was arching and grinding against him, her teeth sank into his shoulder drawing a deep growl from him. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist, allowing him to sink deeper into her with each hard thrust. She growled as the tempo increased, her movements becoming jerky as she tried to keep up.  It was no use.  The sensations swamped her with the force of a hurricane and she screamed as her release coursed through her. Each pulse of pleasure resounded with a fierce thrust from him until he too joined her in an explosive release.  He collapsed against her, his lips caressing her brow in a litany of her name and words of love.

Kathryn's thoughts were so foggy, so dazed.  Never could she remember a time when making love had been so explosive and yet so real.  As her heart slowed and the weight of him against her began to grow heavier, reality intruded. She sighed as he shifted, cuddling her close and settling in.  Once more her anger rose to the fore.  She had been well and truly satisfied and if she were even the slightest bit honest with herself she would admit that she encouraged him, but that wasn't the point.  He had manipulated in one of the worst possible ways by using sex and her affection for him against her. What was that old saying, ah yes, pay-backs were a bitch and she was the queen after all.  She wiggled free of him, leaning in and placing her hands on his chest.  She smiled slightly, leaning in and biting down on his nipple.  As he yelped in pain she pulled back.  Suddenly she pushed with all her force, sending him rolling to the floor.  He stood shocked even as she stood and pushed him once more toward the door.  "You're a great lay Chakotay, but you are a low bastard.  Don't even think about it again.  Computer emergency transport, lock on Commander Chakotay and beam him back to his quarters. Erase log, Janeway pi seven."  She grinned as the transporter beam enveloped him, marveling at the confused look on his face.  A few seconds later, he was staring at the door in his quarters, wondering what the hell had just happened.

His first impulse was to march back over and demand to know what she was thinking, but even as he stood there with his fists clenched in anger he realized that was exactly what she'd be expecting. So instead, he forced himself to relax and moved into his bedroom, there he climbed into bed, his mind already plotting his next move.

The following morning on the bridge was like every other morning they'd had, he acknowledged her as usual, completely ignoring her frosty attitude and pretending the night before had never occurred. It was quite amusing, the way her eyes flashed the blue fire of anger each time he addressed her, nothing in his tone betraying the previous nights acts. But it only lasted a short while, she eventually caught on to his charade and relaxed into the game. Soon, no one had any idea the command team was again at odds with each other. And so the day, and each that followed went, Kathryn and Chakotay ignoring the events of their nights together, pretending to be just as they were, while at night he continued to let himself into her cabin and into her bed. Each night he would wake her with his caresses, stroking her to a release, and occasionally they'd have sex. He couldn't call it making love, because in his eyes there was nothing loving about what they were doing to each other.

Their game went on for more than a week, and Chakotay was beginning to grow tired. He was no closer to winning his prize, and had decided to double his efforts. He let himself into her cabin a little earlier than usual, knowing she would likely be taking a bath, or just getting ready for bed. What he found, though, as he moved quietly through her quarters was the shower running, and he soft hum of her voice. A smile spread across his face at that delightful little detail, not one he would have expected to learn. As quietly as possible, he reached forward and slid the door to the shower open, his smile widening as he noted the water flowing over her body. Her back was to him, and the sound of the shower and her humming had hid his approach. This gave him a moment to gaze at her, his eyes roaming over her shoulders, following the path of water as it flowed down her back and over her the curve of her hips. He continued to watch it as it trailed down her shapely thighs, flowing over her calves and past her ankles to finally swirl on the floor of the shower as it was pulled into the drain. A low groan built in his throat as his eyes slid back up her body, but he held it back and quickly undressed to join her.

She stiffened momentarily when his hands rested against her waist, gently nudging her against the tiled wall of the shower. Her head rested against the cool surface as his arms slid around her, one hand moving upward to cup her breast while the other slid between her legs. She let out a small gasp and braced herself against the wall, her palms flat against the surface, as his fingers slid into her warmth. It was a brief caress, a teasing touch that was quickly withdrawn, instead his hand massaged the soft skin of her inner thigh, while his lips trailed gently along her shoulder and neck. His tongue lapped at the water that flowed across her shoulders, while his other hand gently caressed her breast. He pulled the pebbled nipple between his fingers and rolled it, lightly pinching it. He was rewarded with her light moans and little gasps, and the slight movement of her body toward his. She leaned her upper body toward the tiled shower all and rotated her lower toward him, a plea for the ache that was building within her.

Chakotay smiled against her shoulder and slid his hand once more between her legs, this time as he dipped his fingers into her warmth he found her damp and ready for him. His fingers slid slowly over her sensitive skin, barely dipping further into her heat then withdrawing. She moved against his hand, her movements becoming increasingly impatient. The tempo of his caresses increased, he slid two of his fingers deeply into her heat while his thumb continued to tease her sensitive bud. Kathryn's cries grew more shrill as the ache climbed in intensity, and he held her closer to his body while he stroked her into release.

His movements relaxed as the contractions around his fingers began to slow and dissipate. He withdrew them from her body and gently stroked her down from the sensual high, then stepped away from her. A smug smile spread across his face as she turned toward him, her eyes dark with desire. She took one step toward him and rested her hands against his  shoulders, then pushing gently, pressed him against the opposite wall. She slowly lowered herself to her knees in front of him, her mouth lapping at the water that flowed in rivulets down his chest.

When she was on her knees she gazed up at him, a wicked gleam in her eyes that promised tortuous delights. Her hands slid slowly up his legs, caressing the muscles of his thighs, then sliding around his body to cup his bottom. She drew him toward her, leaning in as she did so. Her lips fluttered across his aroused length, trailing light kisses down it's length, lingering at its base, then moving back to the tip. Her tongue darted out to trace a path along its veined surface, drawing a circle around the tip. She smiled slightly when he shuddered, and gazed up at him as she took him into her mouth. She took him in deeply, her tongue teasing the base of his arousal briefly before she began to draw back, her teeth grazing against him as she withdrew him. She repeated the caress a few times before finally drawing him back into her mouth and beginning to lightly suckle at him, lapping up the water that flowed over him from the shower head above.

Chakotay leaned back against the shower wall, bracing himself as she tortured him below. He could feel himself tightening, growing closer to release, and tried to reach for her, but she evaded his hands and continued her administrations. And then, when he was sure he was finished, she pulled away, and slid slowly up his body, wiggling only slightly against the aching flesh she'd just abandoned. She tipped her head up and whispered lightly against his lips, "You will never own me Chakotay..." Then she brushed a kiss across his mouth and pulled away, slipping quietly out of the shower.

He watched her, slightly dazed as she dried herself, then dressed right in front of him. She afforded him one last glance from the bathroom door, it was one of amusement and triumph. Chakotay growled, finished it himself, then ordered the computer to transport him back to his cabin. Kathryn may have won this round, but she had not won the game....not yet anyway.

Chakotay lay on his bed, certain he could hear her moving on the other side of the wall.  He still couldn't deny that slipping into her bed had been the wrong approach, after all she was more alive and vibrant than she been in years, but the scheme wasn't working as he had hoped.  He had hoped once he had gotten her to acknowledge her feelings for him, to recognize she was human, then she would accept all he had to offer.  Maybe the key to all of this was to make her think he was no longer interested.  Then, maybe she would come to him.

But after three days and nights of pretending there was nothing between them but a barely existing friendship, he was no closer to having her than he had been before. She simply didn't acknowledge anything that had happened anymore than he did, and it was frustrating as hell. Kathryn continued to go on as she had before, and not only was it frustrating, it was infuriating.

So on the fourth night Chakotay let himself back into her cabin, and moving quietly, made his way into her bedroom. Kathryn lay sleeping on her stomach, and it looked as though she'd been tossing and turning, as the blankets had been either kicked or thrown off the bed. The light colored night gown she wore was made of satin, with spaghetti straps to hold it in place. He felt a tightening begin in his groin as he moved closer to her, and slowly sank onto the side of the bed. He hovered over her, his lips barely brushing the bare expanse of shoulder.

She sighed into him, her body relaxing even more.  He held his breath as his whispered name escaped her lips.  Even in sleep she dreamed of him.  This brought a smile to his face and a renewal of purpose.  Slowly he straddled her, resting his weight on his legs and nothing on her.  His mouth descended once more, this time to worship her shoulders and the back of her neck.  She sighed again as his lips descended on a spot just behind her ear.  He shifted again, starting at her bare feet and nibbling lightly on her toes, slowly marking a trail up her body.  He could smell her response, feel it in every subtle move, hear it in her sighs.  This was heaven and how it should always be between them.

Kathryn floated on a sensual dream, hazy and erotic.  In her dream Chakotay was mapping her body with his hands and tongue.  She could feel his teeth and tongue nibbling on the backs on her thighs, warm fingers teasing her sensitive folds, dipping and stroking, coaxing a response.  She shifted, raising her knee to allow him better access and he took advantage, sliding up her body, his weight hot and firm against her back.  His fingers plunged deep stroking first hard and fast then sliding out of her to barely tease again.  She was limited in her movement and tried to turn so that he couldhave better access, but she couldn't.  Her frustration and the futility of her movements finally woke her.  Her breath caught in a sharp gasp as she realized how real the dream really was.  Chakotay lay behind her, the bulge of his arousal pressing into her hip, and his warm hand between her thighs, teasing, teasing.  Her muscles clenched at the sudden wave of arousal and she bucked back against him.  The contrast of his trousers against her naked thighs inflamed her even more, and again she bucked against him.

"Ah, so sleeping beauty is awake is she?  And what do you want my Kathryn?"

A low groan echoed from her throat.  Part of her was angry that he had once more taken advantage of her.  To wake her by making love was one of her most erotic fantasies, completely unexpected and leaving her defenses crashed to the floor.  The other, gods the other wanted him to continue this delicious torture to its final completion.  She groaned again as he added another finger inside her, all the while teasing her clitoris with stray flicks of his fingers.

He shifted suddenly, removing his fingers, kneeling behind her and lifting her bottom up.  He leaned forward and bit one white cheek before soothing it with his tongue.  Just as she raised her upper body in response, he plunged into her.  An animalistic scream tore from her throat at the overwhelming shock of sensation.  He hadn't bothered to strip and the rough texture of his trousers brushed against the back of her thighs with each stroke.  There was something oddly arousing by the fact that he wanted her so badly he couldn't bother to undress.  He alternated the pace from slow and teasing to fast and wild.  Each time she nearly peaked, he would push flush against her and stop, then nibble on the small of her back, one hand keeping her flush against him, limiting her movements, the other teasing her breasts, our pull out of her completely, using his hands, stroking over her body, but not the part that cried for him.  At some point during their game he had manuevered free of his pants and the feel of him, all male and strength aroused her even more.

After the third such move Kathryn growled her frustration, nearly swearing in her need.  His hands clenched on her hips, holding her still even as she tried to thrash away from him.  "Finish it!"  At his chuckle, she reared back against him, still joined, chest to chest, hip to hip, and her fingers digging into his thighs.  "Damn you!"  When he only chuckled again, she moved her hands forward and down between her own thighs to stroke the needy flesh there.  Chakotay blinked at her movement, surprised by the action but not the desperation.  Her head flew back in her pleasure, smacking against his shoulder.

His hands slid around to hers, catching them and pulling them away despite her scream of frustration.  He chuckled again as he bit her shoulder and forced her back into her bent position.  She bucked against him, driving him deeper and he groaned.  One hand snaked around her waist, his weight keeping her in place as his fingers took over the task hers had started.  His thrusts became faster, nearly rocking her into the linens, his fingers working away at her until she exploded around him, bringing him with her and milking him dry.  Shudders rocked both their bodies as he collapsed against her, carrying her to the side, until the were curled spoon fashion against each other.  He held her tightly against him, still a part of her with his hand cupping her between her thighs, keeping that part of her body flush to his.  The other hand had shifted, under her and around her rib cage, allowing nothing, not even air between them.  He kissed her neck, licking lightly at the sweat there.  "This is how we are meant to be Kathryn.  Together, us.  I love you."

She shifted in his arms, jerking away from him. "Get out," her face was buried in the pillow beneath her, muffling her voice. She took full advantage of his shock at her words and wiggled out of his embrace, then pulled herself to the edge of the bed, there she curled into a ball on her side, and hugged the pillow to her chest.

When the shocked haze faded Chakotay frowned, "Damn you Kathryn, don't you understand anything? Or are you really that cold."

She whirled on him, here eyes blazing with anger and hurt, tears streaming down her face, "No Chakotay, damn you! Who are you to sneak in here night after night and take advantage of me, who are you to push me into sexual relationship? You're the one who doesn't understand a simple set of words. Get out Chakotay, as in leave, go away, get out of my quarters, and do not come back." She swiped at the tears on her face, only growing more angry at their existence, and the fact that he was seeing them. "I don't want you sneaking back in here, I don't want you touching me, and I don't want you proclaiming your feelings for me. Because we both know if they were real you would never have taken advantage of me. You got what you wanted Chakotay, I want you, I can't resist you, you're a damned good fuck, now leave." With that she got out of the bed and jerked on her robe, "You've got five seconds then I'm calling security, I might not have done it before for risk of embarrassment, but this has gone too far."

His eyes narrowed for a moment.  Then he laughed, a harsh laugh.  "You are so full of it Kathryn."  He stalked toward her, his hands grasping her arms, even as she tried to pull away.  "You know what I think?  I think you're so damn scared that you're grasping at straws.  You like being in control and I take that away from you here.  I give you the perfect excuse to act on everything you feel, then blame it back on me, and you do it so damn well too.  You're afraid of opening up and allowing yourself to feel because its just too damn hard to hide behind that shell if you remember that you're a woman.  Do you honestly think if it were just a matter of me taking advantage of you, of it just being an itch that needs to be scratched, that you couldn't and wouldn't push me away?"

She pushed him away from her, "Right now I really don't give a damn what you think, and all I know is that you don't give a damn about me otherwise you wouldn't be in here right now pushing me into something I'm not ready for. We had an agreement Chakotay, an unspoken trust, and you betrayed that trust by coming in here the way you did."

"A betrayal?  That's what you call this?"

She swirled away from him, waving a hand in his general direction.  "What you did was betrayal.  This, is just sex."

He moved swiftly and caught her hand, spinning her back to face him. His hand curled over hers and forced her to touch his naked sex.  "This is sex and it's not what our relationship is built on.  We have friendship and years of love and camaraderie between us.  Yes, maybe I started this by slipping into your room and pushing my point, but you were the one to finalize things. All you had to do was tell me no one time and I would have walked away.  Why didn't you Kathryn?"

Her face blushed and her eyes darted away from his.  "Because... because..."

"Because despite every fear going through you at the time, you wanted me. You still want me and you want this.  I know you Kathryn.  You're pissed because I'm pushing harder than I've ever pushed before and it scares the hell out of you.  You hate being pushed, you try to push harder, but damn it you are worth the risk.  Our future together is worth the risk.  Face it love, you have a strong will, and all the excuses in the world you use to hide the truth won't matter.  The truth will be out and frankly, no one pushes you into doing something you don't really want to do.  You'll find a way out, or something you can live with, even if you can't compromise.  So don't lie to me and don't lie to us.  I may have pushed, but you were ready or we wouldn't be here."

"Ready? You call this ready?" She jerked her hand away from him, "Chakotay we agreed that when I was ready I would come to you, that was our unspoken trust, and you broke that. You came to me and let yourself into my bed, you never asked, you never even considered my feelings. Yes, this is just sex, because you never once stopped to think I might not have wanted to proceed, despite how my body was responding to you." Tears fell freely down her face, and suddenly she didn't care anymore, "I want you, I've never denied that, I've just never been able to act on it. I've never hidden my feelings, not from you, I've just never done anything about them. You forced the issue Chakotay, you started this, you made me want something I hadn't had in years, now you ridicule me because I didn't ask you to stop... you really are a bastard, and not at all the man I thought you were." She turned away from him and wrapped her arms around herself, silently crying, "Just leave... and let it go.."

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.  "Shit!"  He stepped forward, unwilling and afraid to walk away.  His arms came around her and he buried his face in the curve of her shoulder.  She struggled at first, and then the tears came.  Anger, fear, frustration, sorrow.  She sagged back into him and let him hold her, all doubts seeming suddenly not to matter. Why was she fighting anyway?  She had forgotten somewhere.  Ah yes, pride. What the hell was that anyway?  He dropped with her, guiding them both onto the bed and holding her curled into his arms.  He waited for the storm to pass and then waited still to see if she said anything, waiting as he had always waited and yet not waited long enough.

After seemingly an hour of silence, he spoke, a hushed whisper against the back of her neck.  "You want me to take all the blame for this Kathryn?  I can't.  I can accept most of it of course.  I should have known.  I pushed and pushed too damn hard and instead of bending, you break in pieces that have to be put back together again.  All I'm asking is that we find a compromise, something to hold us together.  We can't go back to the way we were before, but we need a clear future, something to get us through this. You don't want me to touch you again sexually?  I'll find some damn way to live with it, because if I can't have all of you, well....  I'll have to take what I can.  I know you feel for me though, you've admitted it, so can't you see somewhere in there a way for us to work through this?  If not for us, then for the friends we were before I screwed up?"

She took a deep, shuddering breath and let it out slowly, allowing herself to relax more into his embrace, "The problem Chakotay," she said in a tired voice, "isn't your actions, but your expectations. You do this, and you expect me to immediately fold to your whims, and you know I can't." She let her head fall back to lean against his shoulder, "But that doesn't stop you from doing what you feel you have to do, and that's the biggest problem of all. You're ruled by your emotions and I've spent half my life trying to control mine. I don't act on them because it's too dangerous, and you act on yours too often. And where has it gotten you? Us? Where has it gotten us....here, that's where we are right now. And no," she sighed, "you're not the only one to blame. And no, we can't go back to the way we were before, but we can't move on until I know that you're never going to do this again."

"This? As in come in here and make love to you or this," He kissed the back of her neck and hugged her tighter, "Hold you when you need it, because frankly just being able to hold you, comfort you, is somehow better than the sex. Can you allow that Kathryn?"

"This as in taking advantage of a situation, I need to know that the next time you want to make a change in our relationship you'll ask me first." She gazed back at him over her shoulder, "I can't change what you've started Chakotay, no more than I can take it away."

"I can try Kathryn.  You are worth more to me than just sex and I'm sorry I pushed.  Where do we go from here?"

"You push because that's your way, and I fight until I break because that's my way. We could no more change each other than we could change ourselves. I don't know where we'll go, but it doesn't really matter as long as we don't go back."

"But why Kathryn, why are you giving in now, you were so ready to fight me tooth and nail earlier, why now."

She sighed, "Because no matter how hard I push you away, you're never going to leave, and no matter how many times I hurt you, you're always going to be there. I'm too tired to fight you Chakotay, and I really don't want to. And no matter how many times we fight, how many times we're driven apart we always end up right where we started, together. And that's exactly what I've been looking for all my life, someone willing to stick it out, who isn't going to pack up and leave every time I become difficult to maneuver. But it isn't just that you haven't had the opportunity to leave, it's that I know you don't want to. You could give up any day, at any time, and you don't. I don't like to be pushed, I don't like to be maneuvered, and I'm mad as hell that you tried. And if you think I'm letting you off the hook you're wrong. But I could sit here and argue with you until we're both blue in the face, and it isn't
going to do a bit of difference. We'll just keep on arguing, and keep on circling around each other, and it'll never end until one of us gives in. So that's what I'm doing Chakotay, I'm giving in, because I'm tired of the fighting, I'm tired of the maneuvering, and I'm tired of the pushing. It takes up too much time, too much energy, and quite frankly it's not what I wanted from us in the first place.

"Then what Kathryn, what do you want from us?"

"I just want you, this, us, here," she gestured around the bedroom, "together like this. That's what I want, that's all I've ever wanted, but it's not easy, it's never going to be, and I don't know if I have the energy to keep it going."

"Kathryn..."

"No... Chakotay... don't fight with me now. I just need you to realize that I can only give so much of myself at a time."

"All I ever asked was that you try.  If you can promise me that, then we have a chance.  That's all I need, all we need."

"To try..."

"Yes to try.  No more shields at full, no more perimeters, no more fighting about who is right and who is wrong, just us, trying to have a future together."

"And the ship?  The crew?  The issues that always come back and slap us in the face?"

"I think this will make us stronger.  It was no less hard to fight before. We care too much Kathryn, about each other and this ship.  Your opinion matters as much to me as mine to you.  Here, in these rooms we are just a man and a woman. And when reality intrudes we become once more the captain and the commander, and maybe, just maybe a little of the love and faith we have in each other will carry over and help to guide us. This will never be a detriment Kathryn, never, and I have to believe this is right for both of us, or I never would have made that first move.

She turned then, and he let her.  Her eyes met his and she read all the love and sincerity there, and something in her broke free, releasing a bit of the fear, allowing it to flitter away. She smiled, a half smile that didn't quite meet her eyes.  I'm glad you moved.  I may not agree with the timing or the way you did it, but I'm glad you moved.  I don't think I would ever have had the courage if you hadn't. She looked down, and taking in both their states of undress, her smile turned a little crooked, "And I guess it's a little late for me to ask if we can take things slowly."

His hands stroked her back and brushed tear dampened hair away from her face, "If that's how you want to do it, then that's the way it will be."

"No," she held a finger to his lips, silencing him, "no moving back, we're here now, let's just go forward."

He grinned, nudging his knee between her thighs,  "Oh I don't think forward is going to be a problem at all."

"Oh no you don't," she wiggled away from him, "I'm still mad as hell at you for this little stunt," she stood and pointed toward the outer room, "You can either sleep on the sofa or go back to your own cabin, but no, and I repeat NO more site to site transporting." She dodged his hands when he once more made a grab at her, "I'm serious Chakotay, you are not getting back into this bed tonight.

He stood slowly and stepped back. "Okay okay, no bed."  He gave her a wicked grin and grabbed her close, kissing her soundly and backing her into the wall.  "Care to join me on the sofa?"

She laughed, "You'll never give up will you." She shook her head, "Alright, you can stay, under one condition. If you wake me up making love to me, there better damned well be no teasing involved." She slid her arms around his waist, "I'm serious Chakotay, if you stay, I just want you to hold me, I want to go to sleep in your arms and wake up there."

He hugged her tight and lifted her of her feet and set her in the middle of the bed coming down beside her and arranging them into their earlier spoon position.  As he curled around her once more, he drew the covers over them and kissed her forehead.  "There is nothing I want more my love.  Nothing at all."

End...